Hard Hook, Soft Hook

The Read ... presented a different opening hook than the ones I've found in more recent books -- a soft hook.  I think I mentioned I found a used copy of Dorothy Gilman's Kaleidoscope published back in 2002 [maybe her last published book].  Now, I never cared much for her Mrs. Pollifax spy character but read the first The Clairvoyant Countess (Madame Karitska) several times.  [My favorite book of hers is The Nun in the Closet.]

More important, Ms. Gilman was chosen as this year's Grand Master (2010) at the Edgar Awards.  All in all, I'd say this is an author to pay attention to.  That said, I must say, Gilman's books don't fit the mold of the books I've been buying lately.

The hook feels passive when compared to current openings.  "Madame Karitska, leaving the shabby brownstone on Eighth Street, gave only a cursory glance at the sign in the first-floor window that read MADAME KARITSKA, READINGS.  It was ironic, she thought as she stepped into the bright noon sunshine, how a talent that had earned her whippings as a child, and for which she had never before accepted money, had led her so firmly to this street a year ago, and to this brownstone, to place the sign in the window that at last admitted her gift of clairvoyance."

A lot of info was packed in there, but I wonder if a working editor would sharpen the old red pencil and trim/change the opening paragraph.

More important than the opening hook being softer is the fact the structure of the whole book differs.  Today, publishing blogs from all sectors mention story arcs.  Imagine a covered esplanade with arches letting in the sunshine leading you from one point to another.

Gilman works with entwined threads of vignettes of Madame Karitska's clients, some pertinent to the continuing story and some one time happenings.  I often felt like Gilman was trailing a number of red herrings behind her.  Teasing the reader to guess which vignette adds pertinent plot info and which just adds color to the skein. 

I wonder if the book could still be published -- even though I enjoyed it immensely.  No danger made the reader care about the main character.  No plot offered a great puzzle to solve.  Indeed, Karitska is mostly a passive observer -- though she does get her ankle kicked by one of the villains in the book when he is arrested.  Karitska supplies the information, and the police solve the crimes.  The book, in this sense, almost feels like real life.

Progress ... Have been working on motivations.  Ye New Critiquer faulted me [rightly] for being too obtuse.  Now I've been going back and revising ... mostly beginning chapters.  For Kaffy Anne [Voices of Ghost Creek], I've been foreshadowing her ability to sense ghosts.  For Britt [There Be Demons], I've been adding more indications about what she wants to happen [and ain't].

For Emma, her expectations of bad luck are delivered right in the first chapter without anyone telling me I need to do more.

Trivia ... Bid for a critique on Nashville Relief.  Someone bid $5.00 higher minutes before midnight ended the auction.  I think I was asleep.  ...  Little green demon's saying:  Now you can keep your charity closer to home.

Spoiled Expectations?

The Read ... almost wasn't a read due to spoiled expectations.  Picked up Allyson James' Stormwalker  with high expectations without looking at it because the Dark Wyrm  http://tinyurl.com/2eacf3o gave it a thumbs up.  Then, I opened the first page to the not-so-hook:  "It was already dark by the time I zoomed out of the mountains, heading east toward the desserts, and the town of Magellan."  So?  Not until that last third of page two did what I consider a real hook appeared -- nasty mama.  All in all, the first chapter was stuffed with back story which almost made me throw it on the trade pile.

[My infernal, internal editor would have started the book somewhere in the middle of Chapter 1.] 

Beginning with Chapter 2, I found the book well constructed with two interesting story arcs:  1) the book's arc about finding a missing young woman and 2) a possible series arc about controlling nasty-goddess mama.   First third introduces an appealing cast of characters while dealing with the discovery of a dead body.  Second third complicates the situations of the first third highlighted by a hard-hitting surprise about the love-interest.  Third third gave a very nice resolution with the main character growing up a bit.  -- If only I could do it half so well.  [I still think my openings are better than this one, especially after my new critiquer tore into Britt.]

Web Notes ... 1st Turning Point caught my attention the longest among the blogs again with a post by Judith Laik on Promo Primer for the Unpublished.  Lots of good basic info which I'm mostly ignoring.  Primer for the Unpublished  I definitely need to go back and study it.

If you haven't noticed, you might check out the Nashville Relief Auction:  http://dothewritethingfornashville.blogspot.com

Janet Reid offered a critique that I drooled over, but it was already up to $750 when I first looked at it.  Personally, I'd love to pay Janet Reid to rip apart even a part of one of my manuscripts.  I do have a bid in, but it sure is hard to find it among all the good offers.  Check them out.  You can find many offers of professional critiques by authors and agents -- if you're ready for them.

Progress ...  Squeezing in revising first three chapters of Britt while working on Voices.

Trivia ...  The sun shown for Mother's Day ... and there were lots more vendors at the Farmer's Market.  [A good snickerdoodles!]  Also found a Dorothy Gilmore book, used, at the lunch-coffee-bookstore.